Recently, I’ve been meditating on the idea of ‘resting in the Lord’. It made me reflect on how difficult it is to stop and rest our minds and bodies during the day. Even when we do get a chance to slow down, things are still competing for our attention: phone calls, family members, social media, mealtimes, and so on. Like many of us, I am very caught up in a swarming, fast-paced lifestyle, wishing I knew how to stop without losing productivity. But instead, my mind works faster, worrying about the work I’ll forget or the opportunities I’ll miss. I imagine that I am not alone in this experience. All I know is that I need to find a way to slow down once in a while – to ‘rest’. It wasn’t till recently that I found a solution.

In this article I will share some steps that have helped me to rest my mind amidst the turmoil of everyday life. Hopefully you will find something that resonates with you!

Agreements: the path to balance.

The concept that has helped me make time to rest is something I like to call an ‘agreement’. You make agreements all the time: to your parents, to your siblings, to your boss, to your society, and to yourself. This is happening constantly, and at any moment, you are either fulfilling an agreement, or ignoring one. And if you don’t fulfill an agreement – you feel angry, sad and resentful.

Agreements are internal expectations that you have identified, determined are important, and agreed to follow and fulfill. I like the term ‘agreement’ better than ‘expectation’. Agreement suggests autonomy; it gives you more power. You see, sometimes you set unrealistic expectations for yourself unconsciously. Expectations are instilled in us though our experiences – such as witnessing an argument, or feeling disappointed. An agreement is where you take an expectation and consciously decide to act on it. Therefore, you make a pact—an agreement with yourself—to behave in a certain way. 

Following on from this, you can see how an agreement is both more powerful but also more dangerous. It is more powerful because achieving something you’ve committed to is far more satisfying than achieving a vague expectation. However, it is more dangerous because the consequences are more potent if you fail. Still, this disappointment can be an excellent motivating force. Despite the consequences, well thought out agreements are still the best way I have found to achieve a balanced workload. 

When I first experimented with making agreements with myself, I set standards that I was unable to keep. If I didn’t fulfill an agreement, I would either dismiss it as unimportant, or I would take my frustration out on myself – or others if I wasn’t careful. But it wasn’t that I had done anything wrong – I was just disappointed because I didn’t fulfill the commitment I made. So, I made three rules so that I could create reasonable agreements: 

1. Agreements should be simple. Sometimes I write them down, sometimes I don’t.
2. Agreements should be achievable. They can become more complex over time as long as they are still actionable. It is better to have an agreement that you’ll knock out of the ballpark than to have one you’ll never achieve. 
3. Agreements should be made with yourself. They should not involve or rely on anything or anyone else to be achieved. (Don’t forget that we’re working with appearances here – the Lord has a huge role to play in this process.)

Now let me give you examples of agreements and how they work. Let’s say you believe that you are a conscientious person. We’ll call this a ‘self-concept’. You might have ideas in your mind of how a conscientious person lives and acts. Using these ideas (whether they are true or not), you subconsciously create behavioral expectations for yourself. If you don’t behave the way you think you should, you damage this ‘self-concept’, and you either have to justify your behavior (potentially lying to yourself) or abandon your self-concept. This causes a lot of pain. Let’s pretend that you’re tired, it’s late, and you have just unloaded all your groceries from the shopping cart. You could just leave the cart in the parking lot – no one would care. But, you are a conscientious person! Leaving your cart would go against your self-concept. An extra minute putting away the cart could save you hours of questioning and mental rumination. In this situation, you could make an agreement – something simple. “I always put away my cart”. 

Agreements are best used when you want to change or add a new belief to your self-concept. For example, when I was younger, I wanted to be a tidy person. So, I made a few simple agreements which helped me be tidy: make my bed in the morning and never put clothes on the floor. So far so good!  Now, in an effort to find rest, I have made some new agreements to help me have a more balanced lifestyle.

Agreements to Help find Rest

Here are four agreements I made to help me slow down and rest. 

1.  Find a time to not think about work. For me, I chose to have this time on Saturdays. I am not allowed to touch or even think about any work on Saturdays. This helps prevent guilt. 

2. Read the Word each day. I’m still building this one into my life – and so far, because it’s summertime, I have been successful. When the school year starts, however, it will be a whole different kettle of fish. Because of this, my agreement is very simple: I will light a candle and read one bible verse. Just one! I know one passage sounds short, but it’s more about keeping the agreement rather than having a target that I won’t reach. Eventually, I’ll commit to reading 10 verses, and then a whole chapter!

3. Only use my phone during certain hours. This is a difficult one, because sometimes we convince ourselves that we are ‘relaxing’ when we take a break and watch a movie or scroll through social media. But this simply isn’t true. Our minds are still overstimulated by the constant scrolling. 

4. Cut myself some slack if I fail. There’s no point dwelling on past actions, focus on the things that you can do and change. Again, this is easier said than done. 

Agreements have been vital in organizing my busy life. They help me take my expectations and make them intentional. This allows me to control my emotions, not let them control me. With this new found power, I have agreed to give myself time to rest. Hopefully, you can find time to rest in this busy life too!