Some of you may know that our family is going through a journey together, along a road that has taken us all to places unanticipated and even unimagined. My mom has shown signs of dementia for years, who knows how many? Slowly and often imperceptibly growing, often without change or attention for months, and then a leap forward with a telling comment, or outburst, or uncharacteristic action, that leaves us with more questions than before.

After a stint in the hospital due to a UTI (which is a brain virus for seniors) and C-Diff, a dreaded infection that stems from antibiotics, my mom, who is rarely, if ever, sick or injured, returned home with a body much recovered after years of neglect, and a brain that had developed much further into dementia. It seemed that she was dying, which she daily requested that we orchestrate, and which provided the only end in sight that looked possible or feasible. But slowly it became apparent that her body was still recovering from illness, and her mind was not going to recover beyond a certain point. And thus we quickly pivoted to move her into assisted living (which she had often mentioned in the past, certain she belonged there) which, once there, she alternately appreciated and hated. That was over six months ago.

I am currently reading a book called “Travelers to Unimaginable Lands” which analyzes not just the disease of Alzheimers but the relationship of patient with the caregiver. Reading this has given voice to some of my most difficult questions and feelings. Caregivers, being human, cannot help but be drawn into the reality of someone with dementia, unless and until they come to the clear conclusion that the person is not really “there” anymore, in which case all motivation for loving them and caring for them becomes a moot point. So of course we search for the person, we rejoice when we see him/her, and we encourage actions, thoughts and feelings which we find desirable or healthy. The closer we are to the person with dementia, the harder it is to simply have a dispassionate compassion, which is the most sustainable mental perspective of a caregiver who must withstand daily, minute changes in everything from mood to purposeful action, including those that feel very close to being the “real” person!

This article was written by Jenn based on her presentation at the Australian New Church Women’s Weekend in Nov 2024

I like to listen to a Christian radio station in Sydney, Australia, that plays great Christian songs as well as run-of-the-mill songs that have good messages. I am often inspired by songs that they air, one of which is ‘This Is Your Life’ by Switchfoot (you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sx9RcI_EueM).

This song has a message that really grabs me: “This is your life: are you who you want to be?” It’s basically saying, “Look at yourself, look at your life: you’ve only got one pass at it, there are no re-dos; are you happy with it? Is your life what you want it to be? Are you who you want to be?” Time is ticking, none of us is getting any younger; are we actually happy with who we are? Are we living meaningful lives, are we proud of what we do and think? Or are we just ‘fluffing along’, not feeling any purpose in what we do? To be fair, life is a roller coaster: we all have peaks and valleys, times of bounty and times of harvest; if we do feel like we’re just fluffing along, it may be ok, we don’t necessarily have to beat ourselves up over it, the next good thing might be right around the corner. Goodness knows, sometimes we need to have mercy on ourselves, to recognise that we’re in a valley, life is tough at the moment, we’re doing the best we can. We need to pick our battles – as with toddlers, as with our own lives.

….But if we’ve made a habit of just fluffing along, we might find that it’s time to make some changes happen.

I think, too, that we probably reach a certain point in our lives when we find that we can lead meaningful lives even if we aren’t having the best of luck, even during a dry spell. How do we get to that point? The Heavenly Doctrines are a treasure trove of answers for this kind of life thing. For a long, long time, I fluffed along (more or less) on the coat-tails of my historical faith, living according to what I learned and was passed down to me by my parents and taught to me in school. I can’t tell you what changed, but somewhere along the way I started reading the Writings for myself – I’d read parts of them in various religion classes at Bryn Athyn College, in early adulthood, so I was no stranger to their existence, but it had all sat pretty superficially in my mind. Whatever it was that changed my trajectory, changed it for the better. I wasn’t living an overtly sinful life, but I was more grumbly in my head, more self-righteous, more self-interested; I still have that in me, I’m not gonna lie, and those beasts bob beneath the surface, sometimes closer, sometimes deeper, but, on the whole, they’re deeper than shallower.

Just lately I’ve been paying attention (reading or listening) to individuals explaining how they started out on what they are now known for: actors, scientists, musicians, sports people, writers, engineers, chefs, historians, artists, even politicians. Many of them began on their life’s path when they were quite young, by taking up a chance opportunity, or being encouraged by someone – a parent, a friend, a teacher – who helped them develop some spark of interest or shared what they valued with the young person. 

There are as many different skills and occupations as there are individuals, really. 

“Absolutely everyone in the heavens and on earth has a different kind of goodness [usefulness]. One and the same kind of goodness can never exist in two people; it has to vary in order for each kind to remain in existence separately.” Secrets of Heaven 6706

“There is an infinite variety of good activites in heaven, and each individual is, so to speak, his or her own activity.” Heaven & Hell 41

“I will give to each one of you according to your works.” Revelation 2:24

“… We should take care of our soul not for its own sake, but for the sake of the services we then perform in both worlds. … Having something for a purpose means loving it above all else.” Secrets of Heaven 5949:2,3

“So he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.” 

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 

So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

(1 Kings 19:10-13)

I have always loved this story. Elijah was a prophet to the Lord who was unpopular and persecuted, and now at the end of hope. He calls out to the Lord in desperation: I alone am left. And then the Lord answers him, but not in the great wind, or the earthquake, or the fire, but in a “still small voice.”  So many things in this passage feel relatable: feeling that our beliefs are everywhere rejected and attacked, feeling alone, feeling despair, looking for or expecting the Lord to answer our prayers in obvious and loud ways. And then how gently the Lord does speak to us. 

But we can only hear the Lord after the other chaos dies down. The Lord isn’t in the loud and all consuming events that demand our attention. The Lord is in the quiet and the stillness. Of course we can only really hear the Lord in our own lives when we leave a still space for Him to speak in to. 

And similarly, we can only really hear others’–our neighbor, friend, and family– when we allow a space for them to speak. When we actually listen.