Lately, I’ve been noticing my shoulders.

It all started last Christmas. I bought my mom a backpack that she really wanted. She passed away before she got a chance to use it and now it sits in my closet. I haven’t decided what I want to carry in it yet, but I like the idea that when I wear it, I will carry a part of my mom with me. 

A week after my mom died, I was in my brother-in-law’s wedding. Standing at the front of the church, I felt my mom’s presence hovering over my right shoulder. She was always a champion of marriage and I could feel her beaming with joy at getting a front row seat witnessing the birth of this precious new union.   

I’ve since felt my mother’s presence several times and it’s always been around my shoulders and centered around spheres of innocence; as I smiled down at my newborn son; while I was sitting on the grass in the sunshine as my older children ran around the local playground. Moments like that are when I feel her close, like warm wings draping over my shoulders from behind and humming with heavenly energy and comfort.

The path which leads to what we seek,
Reflects that which we choose to speak.
Choices in what we do and feel
Can lead us to the highest peak.

But first we must look up and kneel,
And search for what is true and real.
To build our thoughts and what we dream,
And so that we might learn and heal.

This habit may produce a theme
To liberate and to redeem.
Reflecting back we might see signs;
Providence, flowing like a stream.

All of which made by His designs
Of good and truth that He defines.
The midst from which all true love shines.
The midst from which all true love shines.

I have always tried to approach the things I read in the Word as things that are True. The Word contains all things that are True from the Lord. He never misstated something. He never said something that doesn’t apply for all time. Sometimes the meaning is in the correspondence and not in the literal sense, but it is always right and True if the Lord said it. That goes for everything He said through His servant Swedenborg. Swedenborg was asked to write down the things he saw and heard, but they were from the Lord. 

When we approach the things the Lord is teaching us in the Word, knowing that all things contained there are absolute Truth, we are being left in freedom by Him to be taught and open to learn more. 

“In respect to truths the celestial angels say, Yea, yea, or Nay, nay; but the spiritual angels reason about them whether they are true or not, where the Lord’s words, ‘Let your speech be Yea, yea, Nay, nay; what is beyond these is from evil’ (Matt. 5:37). are explained).”
Heaven and Hell 214

I am not claiming to be celestial or close to being celestial, I just know and have found, that when I start with, “These are from the Lord and must be True, whether they make sense to me right now or not,” that it is the most simple, but powerful way for me to understand what the Lord says. Sometimes I don’t understand what a passage says or how it could apply to my life in any way, but later I have read something again and it strikes me deeply. I imagine that has happened to a lot of us. 

When my mother died this past winter, I was offered countless words of comfort. I was told to cherish the memories I had made with her. People quoted precious words of scripture. I received sweet cards and letters reminding me that I will see my mom again and that she is always close. I sincerely appreciate all of the comfort given to me during those first weeks of loss. But the single most useful thing anyone said to me was this: 

No matter how you are grieving, the hells will tell you that you’re doing it wrong. 

That might not seem like the most comforting statement in the world, but it has gotten me through so many low points in my stages of grief. I have turned to this phrase time and time again as the hells have attacked my grieving process at each and every turn. And there have been a lot of turns. This truth has become one of my smooth round stones with which I can slay the Goliath that tries to make me feel small and weak in my sadness. After all, being able to call out the hells is vital in fighting against them. 

The following is an open letter to the hells in response to their relentless attacks on my grieving process. My hope is that it will serve as a useful tool for others who are navigating loss. 

To: Hell
Attn: Grief Manipulation Department