My father is dying. He was diagnosed with an atypical meningioma (Brain Tumour) nearly 9 years ago, and after two operations to remove the tumor and one bout of radiotherapy, the tumor is now inoperable and there is nothing more to be done. He will die; no-one knows when or how long it will take or even what his deterioration will look like. So we wait. It has been a long journey. Originally one of hope, now one of acceptance of the inevitable.

We have known that he may die for some time, but when we heard the finality of the decision from the doctors, it was hard to get our heads around. We cried… we prayed… we cried some more…

My dad is now unable to do many of the things that he loved and enjoyed: gardening, mountaineering, drinking whiskey. He has gone from using a walking stick, to a walker, to a wheelchair. Now he lies in bed unable to sit up. His sight is going. He is confused and disorientated. He is in pain. We feel helpless.

The hardest part for me as a Christian, and as a convert from Church of Scotland to New Church, is that I have no idea whether my dad believes in God or not. 

“…And I thought about years
How they take so long
And they go so fast…”
Beth Nielsen Chapman, Years

The Bryn Athyn high school Class of ’69 has started planning for its 50th reunion in October. A committee of former classmates now living in the area is sending out emails seeking volunteers, ideas, entertainment etc. Replies are trickling back from across the globe – we (100 at our peak) are a widely–scattered bunch. 

Fifty years is a long time. It’s been half a century since our graduation; since the original Woodstock Festival; since the first humans walked on the moon. The internet has been invented, as well as phones you can keep in a pocket, transforming the means of communication around the world. Is that communication any better, for being faster? Sometimes, yes. Other times, no. It depends on the people involved.

I’m looking forward to getting to know who the people, my classmates, are now, with an additional 50 years of life under their belts than when we shared those Benade Hall classrooms. We have all ‘grown up’, most have reached retirement age, many have had children and grandchildren, some have moved on to the next world. I’ve kept up with a few once in a while; most others I have neither seen nor spoken to for at least 20 years (since our 30th reunion or before).

Some people won’t be able to come. Some probably won’t want to come. I suspect that most of our paths turned out differently than we had planned or hoped for, and presented us with choices and options we had not anticipated. Did we always make good choices? Most unlikely! But did we learn and grow from making them? Most probably. 

“Here’s the thing, say Shug. The thing I believe. God is inside you and inside everybody else. You come into the world with God. But only them that search for it inside find it. And sometimes it just manifest itself even if you not looking, or don’t know what you looking for. Trouble do it for most folks, I think. Sorrow, lord. Feeling like ****.”   (from The Color Purple, Alice Walker)

We are allowed to see Divine Providence from behind but not face to face [i.e. after the fact but not before], and when we are in a spiritual state, not in a materialistic state [i.e. seeing it from heaven and not from this world]. (Divine Providence 187.4)

For how many is the New Church still central to their thinking? Have any shifted to other faiths, or away from any belief? If they’ve drifted away from religion, why have they? And even if they have, are any of the things they learned from the New Church still important to them? Do they still have dreams or goals to fulfill? Have they reached a place of mental peace? 

Peace has in it confidence in the Lord, that He directs all things, and provides all things, and that He leads to a good end. (Secrets of Heaven 8455)

Time and space are very real in this world, but in the next world they are states of mind rather than physical realities (still absolutely real, but not in the same way). Having moved far from my original home, I’ve come to believe that if a bond exists, our souls can subtly communicate, regardless of physical distance (even between this world and the next). Of course, in this world the internet helps!

None of us can truly know what path the Lord is leading someone else along – indeed, we often don’t know the path WE are being led along. This reunion will be a chance to learn about our different paths through life, about others’ particular choices along the way. I hope everyone who comes will be open to sharing some of this process, and be accepting of each other’s decisions. We are getting older – such an opportunity to really talk about how our lives have developed, with those we shared those important teenage years with, is unlikely to be repeated. Our bodies are aging; despite that, we are (hopefully) getting a little wiser. Looking back over our lives, can we see Providence in action? How far have we got with the command in Ezekiel 18.31 to ‘Make [ourselves] a new heart and a new spirit’? 

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:6-8)

Those who are guided by kindness … hardly even notice evil in another but pay attention instead to everything good and true in the person. When they do find anything bad or false, they put a good interpretation on it. This is a characteristic of all angels — one they acquire from the Lord, who bends everything bad toward good. (Secrets of Heaven 1079)

However our reunion turns out, I hope my old classmates are well on their way to finding acceptance of themselves and others, and that they feel confidence for their own futures. I firmly believe that the Lord – kind and wise father that He is – guides every one of us in the ways that suit us best, whether we acknowledge Him or not.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about the kind of person you want to be, especially when it comes to finding a spouse. I don’t think it’s advisable to change to fit a specific person. But what about in a more general way trying to become the kind of person that the person you would want to marry would want to marry?

If you are a woman, think about the kind of man you want to marry and the kind of woman he would love; Become that woman. If you are a man, think about the kind of woman you want to marry and the kind of man she would love; Become that man.

That way you aren’t changing yourself to suit a specific person, but a kind of person. It’s about trying to become a good and admirable person.

I’ve been thinking of that word: becoming. Here are two different definitions of the word.

Becoming:
1. Verb: To undergo change or development.
2. Adjective: Attractively suitable.

We don’t use this second definition very much anymore, but I’ve been thinking about how linked they actually are. The goal is to undergo change and develop as a person so that you are attractive. Not just physically attractive, but actually attractive, inwardly attractive. 

But how do we become inwardly attractive? How do we undergo that change? Who are we supposed to become, other than somebody someone else might find suitable and attractive?

The answer is a simple one, though not easy.

“My friend, go to the God of the Word, and thus to the Word itself, and so enter through the door into the sheepfold, that is, into the church, and you will be enlightened; and then as from a mountain top you will see for yourself the goings and wanderings, not only of the many but your own also previously in the gloomy forest below.” (True Christian Religion 177)

Only from the Lord in His Word can we see the gloom in which we have wandered! Only from the Lord and His Word can we correct our footsteps. It is through repentance and regeneration that we undergo change and development. It is approaching the Lord and being the person that He wants us to be that makes us attractively suitable.

And the real end result is that we are becoming angels for the Lord, and so all the efforts we are making to better ourselves is ultimately for the Lord and His Kingdom. And not only is He creating a space for us to live in Heaven, but we create a space for Him to come and live in us now.

“The Lord dwells in what is His own with man, and man in those things which are from the Lord, and thus in the Lord.” (Doctrine of Life 102)

How important is it to belong?  What must we do to belong?  Who decides if we belong or not?

These were not questions I seriously asked myself, but through a series of incidents some years ago, I found a satisfying answer.  I also found, along the way, that you often need to find your own answers to have the point really sink in.

Even so, I thought it might be useful to share my experience for others who might be seriously asking the question, “Where do I belong?”

As you might expect, the “where do I belong?”  issue for me was grounded in the issue of abortion.  In the 1980’s, when I first became aware of the scope of legalized abortion-on-demand, I found myself reading, thinking and talking about the issue a great deal.  I was surprised to find that people I knew were not shocked by the statistics that I was reading about.  One and a half million abortions in the U.S. a year.  Four thousand a day.