One of the boys I nanny graduated from kindergarten this past spring, and his new reading and writing skills have evolved into an interest in journaling. This week he decided to write an entry in his summer journal. He drew a picture, wrote a few sentences, and when he was finished, asked if I would underwrite (correct any spelling mistakes, etc.). I thought back to the school year when he was less inclined to sound out words all by himself, preferring to just get it all right the first time. Now his independent sounding out is second nature. I tucked his example away as a little lesson on being willing to move forward sans perfection.
I have a long history of journaling myself, complete with my own struggles to embrace imperfection. Eventually my toil over neat handwriting and carefully erased mistakes gave way to scribbling out and scribbling away, and I discovered how vulnerable and liberating it feels to move along without perfection holding me back. In what other ways might we feel pressure for things to be ‘Right’ before moving forward? A recent conversation about it inspired a handful of examples, including: feeling a need to be more healed or regenerate before beginning a new journey; avoiding asking for help until we feel that we, or the problem, are “worthy” of it; shying away from showing up or sharing something unless we can present our best; feeling presumptuous attending church or taking holy supper when especially tangled up in our inadequacies; needing the house to be clean before buying flowers for the dining room table…the list goes on.
Sometimes we don’t want to do it messily. But the Lord wants us to come as we are.
I underwrote for my young friend in small letters so as not to distract from his own effort, which holds much more value than the technicalities. I cherish those sounded out words and helter-skelter fonts. They are a charming picture of both having grown, and growth to come. That is where we sit too, and I think we should aim to embrace it. I hope backwards and missing letters will be a recurring reminder of the bravery of moving along as we are. Perfection takes no bravery; avoidance for lack of perfection takes no bravery – messiness does! That’s where we’re called to seek the Lord; it’s where He already waits for us.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Dear Anna,
This reminds me of something I realized. I compare my messy, frazzled end of my rope self with what I know of others when we gather. I am comparing my worst with their good or maybe best. So, this makes me feel very far from perfect and makes that look like the goal. I think perfection is only the Lord’s and is not our goal. I think looking to the Lord along our path of life is the goal, again, and again, and again each time we fall down and then get back up.
Thanks for your lovely thoughts about the Lord asking us to come as we are.
I love this idea! I had a friend once who would welcome people to her house even when it wasn’t all tidy – she didn’t let the tidiness get in the way of the friendliness. It’s hard to fight perfectionism, but like you say, when we set it down, the Lord meets us right there. And unless we think we can be as perfect as He is, I guess we just have to get used to all bumbling along together as best we can. 🙂
Thank you. I love what you wrote and love the idea of moving forward in our “helter skelter” imperfection. Amen. Journaling has been an aid and friend to me in more chaotic days. I’m glad you’re turning over the pages leaving some chaos in your wake. Well done. I relate to what you say, and I remember how much I am allergic to looking bad or wrong. Or to thinking that I look that way to others. It’s a journey! And it’s nice to leave off the heavy burden of thinking I need to—or even can—pretend to be perfect. I’m also glad this young man is letting himself sound it out and move on!
When I think of life being eternal, I realize that there is “ plenty of time” ! The messy house or the misspelled words or the feelings of inadequacy are far less important than my efforts to do the best I can and be the best I can. Sometimes, I admit, it’s easier to clean the house than it is to clean up my motives or my jealousy or my lack of content. But those are the things that matter, right? When I come to the Lord “ as I am” I hope that means that I am coming to be taught, inspired, and with a willingness to follow His lead. I’ve also found that the imperfections along the way make great stepping stones to learn from and to travel forward on!
But I have ti admit that if God was coming over for coffee, I’d probably clean the house!